Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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