i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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