she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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