The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
