booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
