I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
