apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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