no, he came in my armpit
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
