Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
