OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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