You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
