You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize