u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
