My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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