When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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