He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
