I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
