just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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