I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
