well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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