Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I cut my penus on the lid.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
