this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hippo gnu deer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
