Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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