I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
