just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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