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I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
