I just saw a hot homeless man
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You made out with two different species that night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
