plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
