girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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