Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
