Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
