I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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