I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
