I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
