At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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