do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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