I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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