Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
