if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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