i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink