One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night