she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today