only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?