I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy