I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.