Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.