I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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