I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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