Non-Jews are for practice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
