cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
