Soap is not a condiment
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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