At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
