he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
