we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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