Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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