Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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