I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
