The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
