its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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