So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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