This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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