stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
