I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
