he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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