please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
