So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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